How to say NO

Do you have the fear of missing out on something so you say yes to everything?

Do you know what you are really doing to your life?  You are spending it doing things for people you don’t want to be around doing things you don’t want to do. 

What are we doing?  Moreover, why do we do it?

There are some long answers to those questions.  The short answer is because we have a fear of missing out.  We don’t want to miss out on anything.  Just like a small child who is extremely exhausted but pushes through the tired to play because they don’t want to miss out on a single second of the fun. 

We all know that there are things in life that we have to do no matter what.  These are non-negotiable tasks.  Some of these include eating, sleeping, resting, working, grocery shopping, just to name a few.  I’m not talking about how to start saying no to those. 

We are doing the same things in our everyday lives.  Pushing through the stuff, we don’t really want to do because we are afraid that we will miss an opportunity.  An opportunity that don’t even really want. 

We all make these mistakes from time to time.  Shoot I used to make them all the time.  I want to give a few sure fire time saving tips to evaluate if you should be saying no more often. 

Tip 1.  Do you really want to do this?  Ask yourself if this is really something that you want or need to do.  If it is then don’t hesitate to say no.  The truth is that we say yes to things all the time don’t meet this simple criteria.  We go to parties because we feel obligated to.  We travel for work not because we need to be there, but because we feel like we should go or we feel like if we don’t go then we won’t be up for the promotion.  Life is too short, if you don’t want to do it, and it’s not a necessary task then don’t do it. 

Tip 2.  Make sure that it will help move your needle.  Everything we do should move the needle in one way or another.  I used to be caught up in money, that was what moved the needle.  Or so I thought.  Then I discovered that money wasn’t what was moving my needle it was helping others.  I absolutely love helping others.  When I discovered that money was just a byproduct for doing what I really loved then my life took a direct turn and I started getting more time to do what I really enjoyed.  I was able to use my knowledge to help others. 

Tip 3.  Does it align with your morals and end goals.  So many times I have said yes to things don’t align with my end goals.  I have done a great job of saying no, if it doesn’t align with my morals but end goals, not so much.  The only way to determine this is to write some goals for yourself.  Start with personal then move into your business goals.  If you would like some more advice on Goals check out our blog, Goals, how to set and achieve any goal!  If the task doesn’t move any closer to your end goal then don’t say yes to it. 

Tip 4.  It doesn’t matter who is asking you if it doesn’t align with the tips so far don’t say yes.  In the past I have had people who were mentors ask me to do something.  Without hesitation, I would jump in with both feet.  Later to find out that what I was doing didn’t really help me in any way, except to make me look good to them.  I once had a person ask me to build a website for him.  Ok I’m good at building websites, but it doesn’t move my needle.  I didn’t hesitate to say yes to him.  About a week later, he had his website up and running.  The fact was that it wasn’t up to me normal standard though.  My heart wasn’t in it.  Which leads us into.

Tip 5.  If your heart is NOT in, it then say no.  When I built the website I actually damaged my relationship with that mentor because, I didn’t put forth the effort that was needed to really make it a great website.  I said this should work and got him on line.  If your heart is not into the project, you need to say no.  He was expecting something similar to my website, which I have poured countless hours and time into to make it the way I want.  Not only was he disappointed by not pouring my heart into the project it took several months for him to warm back up to me.  Because I didn’t say NO to build that website, I caused our relationship to suffer.

Tip 6.  This is not the only opportunity that you will get.  The next tips kind of contradict themselves but they are both important.  Some people say that opportunity only knocks once.  While I can acknowledge that, this is somewhat true and that you need to be willing to jump in feet first at a moment’s notice.  If it is really meant to happen then opportunity will know more than once.  In fact, I believe that if it is truly written in your destiny then if you don’t answer the door when opportunity knocks, then it will peak in the window and get your attention.  If you are constantly afraid that an opportunity won’t come around again then you will be saying yes to everything that presents its self to you.  Again, go back to tips 1-5 to evaluate every opportunity to make sure that it aligns with you, your passions, and your goals. 

Tip 6 ½.  I could really call this tip 7 because it majorly contradicts tip 6 so much.  Lol.  Don’t hesitate when opportunity knocks.  You want to make sure that you are ahead and not behind the ball.  Let’s say that you really wanted to create an online retailer that could sell everything.  A place where anyone could sell his or her stuff online.  You had great prices, 2 day shipping, a small membership fee, you get priority service, and you want to offer everything to everyone.  I’ll bet you are thinking of one company right now.  That’s right Amazon.  If you had this idea 20 years ago when amazon was just firing up and you hesitate to jump in you would be kicking yourself.  There will never be another Amazon.  Just like, there will never be another Walmart.  There might be other stores like them, but they have built their names into giants.  With all of that being said tip 6 ½ is to not hesitate when opportunity comes your way.  Again, I can’t say this enough, before you jump in feet first though make sure that it meets tips 1-5. 

These are just a few tips to help you make sure that you are not saying YES to everything.  There are many more tips that we will be sharing.  Moreover, I'm sure that there are some that we are yet to learn.  Sometimes the best thing we can do is say NO.  Try it sometime you might be surprised how far it moves you.