Listening to Listen

All too often, we don’t listen to actually hear what the other person is saying.  Instead, we listen to tanswer. 

NOT Listening to listen is a huge mistake but is something that all fall victim to.  Think about the last time you had a conversation with a leader who was distracted the entire time you talked, how did you feel? 

I know that I have been on both sides.  All too often people have come into my office and I never stopped working the entire time they were there talking.  It was not until they left that I realized what I had done.  I thought that I was too busy to take a few moment to listen to listen to them.  What did that do to them?

I know exactly how they felt because I have also been on the another side where I have walked into someone’s office and they never stopped working throughout the entire conversation.  They were delayed in answers, sometimes never answered questions, or never acknowledged that I was even there.  I felt like I didn’t matter, as if I wasn’t important enough to even be recognized.  Whatever is on their computer was more important than I was. 

Have you done that before?  What about with your partner? Your kids? Parents? Friends? How would you feel if you were expressing your emotions and they were ignored? 

Take a few moments to actually listen to what people have to say. 

Dean Graziosi talks about when he negotiates he does twice as much listening as talking.  This ensures that he knows exactly what the others are looking for and allows them to negotiate with themselves.  What a great concept.  Listen so well that you don’t ever have to negotiate!

There is more to listening than just stopping and looking at the person.  Too often, we listen only to answer.  We are not really hearing what they are saying.  I KNOW that I have done this before, too many times.  I have to catch myself almost daily and tell myself to actually listen to what people need and what they want to say.  I am guilty of thinking while they are talking instead of listening to their entire thought.  I listen so that I can look smart and give them a profound answer. 

Answers are NOT needed for every question, Dan Greer (did I just quote myself?  YES is did!!)  Sometimes we just need to listen and let others know that have been heard. 

I had a manager in the past that would stop me mid-sentence and then insert his answer.  To the problem.  Most of the time it wasn’t even what I was talking about.  It was extremely aggregating to have that happen.  it didn’t take me long to realize that he was not a Leader he was a boss.  He wasn’t my boss for very long.  I left that position to find a better one with a real leader.

Are people leaving your department regularly?  It might be something as simple as your listening skills.  If your people don’t feel heard, they don’t feel appreciated.  Take a few moments today and listen to everyone that walks through your door.  When you answer the phone ask them how their day is going and actually listen to them.    Ask them questions that pertain to the conversation.  Don’t try to steer the conversation to the questions you want to ask, ask questions that pertain to the conversation. 

I have also had employees who have not been good at listening.  As a leader that is extremely aggregating.  Kids seem to listen to their parents about ½ the time if we are lucky.  As an employee, it is just as important as a leader to listen.  If your supervisor talks, you should be listening.  If you are asked to go to a specific client, don’t hesitate, don’t say ill get there in a few weeks.  There is a reason why you were asked to go there.  If they ask you to work on a specific spreadsheet and give you specific directions on how to complete it, DO IT THAT WAY.  There is a reason they are asking you to do it a specific way.  If you have better ideas, don’t hesitate to bring them up to your team but don’t just implement them. 

Listening is one of the most important things that we do every day.  Listening is important for everyone.

PS. You should know that I am not perfect and I know that I have listening issues.  When these topics come to me as I write the blogs I take the advice I give to heart every time.  Thank you for taking the time to read.

Living in Fear is no way to live at all

The world today is CRAZY.  Why do we as people hoard material items?  I have been guilty of it, maybe on a smaller scale. Like waiting until the kids go to bed to eat ice cream so, I don’t have to share as much.  Or, hiding a special item so others don’t get to use it.  WHY do we do it?  Because we are scared that we won’t have it.  So what do we do?  We run out and buy massive amounts of items we don’t really need so that we can live in peace that we won’t run out.  For like the next 10 years. 

How do we stop living in fear?  One of the ways that I do it is by giving God those fears.  When I notice that, I’m living in fear of something, like not having enough money in the account to pay bills, or running out of TP.  I take massive action and I give it to GOD.  I stop right then and there and take a few moments to thank him for what he has given me.  I ask that he help me to know that he is in control and that his plan is already in motion.  I ask him to help me learn how to, not have fear for that particular thing.  Almost immediately, either the fear leaves my mind or he gives me a solution that I haven’t thought of before.

There are definitely different ways of alleviating fear from your body, but that is the best way for me. 

Let’s take a moment to discuss why living in fear is horrific for your health, both mental and physical. 

You mental health starts to suffer almost immediately because your brain is overloaded with emotion.  All of your senses are heightened therefore causing more of a mental overload.  Next your mind is operating in hyper speed because you now see, hear, and feel more constantly so your heart rate picks up, causing more mental stress.  Your chest will start hurting (a physical sign, but wait) then your mind starts having more fear over what’s happening to your body. 

Another condition of mental fear is what I mentioned earlier, hoarding.  As people, we tend to be extremely selfish.  We have been since the beginning of time.  That’s why the good lord sent a massive flood to cover the whole earth and wipe out mankind, because of our actions.  Hoarding is something that we all have done in the past at some point in our lives.  It’s something that we do when we are in fear of missing out or not having what we “need.”  What causes us to think, “Man I need to go buy massive amounts of TP because I might not want to go to the store again for a while?”  FEAR is the reason.

You see by living in fear of anything, your mind starts to turn your body into a mess.  It creates symptoms that would have never been there originally.  They one undeniable thing is that your immune system is weakened when you are living in fear.  Therefore, you can contract new ailments easier. 

Satan wins if we live in FEAR.  That’s exactly what he wants, he wants us to be scared so that we stop leaning on God.  He wants us to depend on ourselves instead of leaning on God for everything.  When we lean on God, we have faith and loose the FEAR factor. 

Take a few moments anytime that you start to feel the fear and ask God to help you better understand the situation.  Ask him to help you by taking your fear away.  Living in fear is not living it is surviving.  I don’t want to survive I want to LIVE. 

Take care of yourself!

Take care of yourself!

Have you ever noticed that you struggle to tie your shoes? As if it’s hard to breath when you bend over.  I’ve been there several times in my life.  You know what I did.  Absolutely nothing.  I didn’t realize that my health was effecting my entire life.  Other might have caught it but I didn’t.  I didn’t notice anything other than I didn’t feel as good as I used to. 

Here the thing health is something that we have full control over.  We can choose water of a soda.  We can choose salad over a candy bar.  We can chose to eat better; the fact is that we don’t want to.  Many times, we use those sugar foods as a crutch.  It’s our way of making it through the day.  Our elixir of life if you will. 

Hey I get I’ve been there before, and guess what I’m there now.

One of the things that I have discovered is that the way I eat and the way I feel are associated with my performance.  In addition, before I ventured out on our own, just God and me in the business performance wasn’t as important.  Now that I have to depend on my health and drive to stay alive and pay the bills, I have noticed that if I do a small workout it really helps my energy level for the day. 

Another thing that I noticed is the amount of sleep that I get.  I grew up with the dad of dad’s.  I love you dad but you might have and might still be over exaggerating how much sleep you get.  He was and is a great person but he prided himself on telling people that he got up at 3:30 am and went to bed at 10:30, “just after the news.”  (I didn’t bother to tell him that he could find the same news at 6:30, 830 and 9:30.)  The truth was that yes, my dad did get up early; he didn’t lie about when he got out of bed in the morning.  Shoot he had to milk 2 cows before heading off to work.  Most of the time he started working at 5:30 or 6am and the shop was at least 30 min away.  What he did exaggerate was when he went to sleep.  He always failed to mention when talking to others that he usually slept in the chair from 7:30-10:00 then woke up just long enough to watch the news and went to bed.

Anyways, I grew up thinking that men didn’t need much sleep.  I know better know, my wife taught me that lesson.  Lol.  I have completely changed my schedule in the last year.  I have started making sure that I am in bed or getting ready for bed by 9pm then I get up around 4:30.  I use the first 1.5 hours of my day to get done the important things.  Like wishing happy birthdays to everyone on Facebook, reading scripture, and pounding out a project that would take me a lot longer when I have multiple distractions.  The point is that we all work differently.  I do know that if you are lacking on sleep then you will not be at your peak performance throughout the day.  Do you think that will any brownie points with a client when you sit in a meeting yawning because you went to bed too late, or got up super early just because?  NO, in fact I have witnessed firsthand how much that turns a client off.  I have actually had clients come to me and say, “What’s up with Joe?  Man this stuff must really bore them; I saw then nodding off in during the meeting!” 

So do yourself and your career a favor make sure you get some sleep and take care of yourself.  Don’t pour yourself into anything ever!

Exercise is another key ingredient to a successful day.  If you just walk from your house to your car, then to the office, and sit most of the day, then walk back to your car and back to your house, where you sit and watch TV for the evening you won’t feel very good about yourself.  I know that there are a couple different types of people here.  The ones who work out and are super buff, the ones who are overweight and you know can’t feel good, then there are the ones who are mostly healthy and happy with their bodies. 

I usually fall into between the unhealthy and the almost happy with my body ones.  I know that I could be better and that I could work out more, but I choose to be happy with the way God made me.  When I feel like I can’t breathe when I tie my shoes, I know that I need to step it up a notch. 

Here is my suggestion for exercise, find something that you like to do.  For me its running (I hated running as a kid but now I thoroughly enjoy it).  Start with one time a week find about 20 min to go exercise.  If you feel better move it up to 2 times a week.  Soon you will be doing some sort of exercise every day of the week.

For eating right, you can do a few things as well.  One is to keep a case of water in your vehicle.  I prefer to use reusable water bottles and make sure I have one in my truck every day.  If I have water then I don’t want or need anything else.  Make it a challenge with yourself, no one else needs to know, but see how long you can go without soda, or an energy drink.  The longest I have gone was 5 years, and that was the best I have ever felt about my body.  Also, order a salad at the restaurant instead of a burger.  That has been a huge success for me. 

My tip for sleeping is to be like the birds, when the sun goes down think about finding a great place to roost for the evening, then when the sun comes up you’ll be ready to go.  Don’t pride yourself on how late you can stay up.  Pride yourself on how great you sleep.  Set your alarm and don’t hit snooze.  The second the alarms goes off, slide your feet out of bed and hit the floor running. 

The last thing that I have to say on this to make sure that you set some time aside for you.  A little every day.  It can be tough to do that.  Especially with a family and work, and everything else that life throws at you.  However, if you don’t make it a priority to have a few moments of peace where you can unwind then you will end up in the Dr. office in no time.  Stress and worry is number one killer of people today.  Take a few moments and turn off your phone so that you can really take a break.  The world can wait 10 min for you, trust me.

You only get one body, so take care of it.  Don’t fill it with crap.  I once had a teach tell me you are what you eat.  I didn’t used to put much faith in that, but now I see that they were right.  If you eat a bunch of junk then you feel like junk, but if you keep a healthy diet full of fruits and veggies then you fell so much brighter and ready for the day.